Recently, I have had a number of intake calls requesting assistance from concerned children about their aging parents. I have heard everything from an abusive parent, to a parent who constantly wanders away. Just last week I received a call from a daughter who's mother was verbally abusing her father and verbally keeping him "locked away" in their home. The daughter was very distraught and wanted to have her father liberated from the home. After further discussion, I discovered that the father was still of full mind, and clearly able to make sound decisions. Although the mother's general behavior has gotten more aggressive, she still was also competent. So to sum up the situation, we have a concerned daughter and competent parents who are beginning to see changes in personality as they age. The question naturally arises then, how do we deal with this situation?
If the parents are still competent, the best thing you can do is ensure that their Last Will and Testament is up to date and that you are named as their preferred guardian in that document. Guardianship will be discussed in another article, but it basically gives you full control over someones life. In this case, like a reverse parent-child relationship. If you have the proper provision in place, once you parents mental faculties diminish to a point where they no longer can make sound decisions for themselves, you are ready to step in and the court will provide less hurdles when choosing who to appoint. Additionally, you should be named under their Powers of Attorney for Property and Powers of Attorney for Health Care. Under these documents, you can assist them with their medical care, and have the authority to get their medical records when they are unable to make medical decisions. Under their Power of Attorney for Property, you will be able to concurrently make financial decisions with them, on their best behalf. This can assist you when a parent makes less than perfect financial decisions, to set up automatic bill pay or other options to ensure that they are provided for. These documents are always revocable, so if your parents don't like the job you are doing, they can revoke your authority. You should always speak with an attorney, and it is frequently best to have a group meeting with your parents and the attorney to discuss the options available to you, and what steps you should take next. In a situation like this, a parent who is getting more passive may feel more comfortable in voicing their opinion when they know their child is assisting in securing the family finances. I would be happy speak with you about your family at my Elder Law Office for no charge. I know that having parents personality change as their grow older is difficult, let's talk about ways to make that transition as painless as possible.
